Friends Unite against Pigs

[rebellisk_tarta]

The intimacy of ordering food and “shall we share it?”

Fredrik was in the line at the local booze store waiting to be served. He had four bottles of vodka in his shopping basket and couldn't help but notice the stares coming from behind him. It was a large burly man who kept his eyes fixed on the glam bassist in front of him, offering the boy menacing glances. Mikkel was next door in the grocery store getting some food so they could share it. Hot takeaway burgers and maybe some fries.

"Move along, girly. I think you're next. Stupid punk kid with long hair. Why don't you fucking chop that shit off since you're supposed to be a boy. Are you? You can't tell with you lot sometimes. Fucking queer bitches."

The Swede frowned as he heard the man's words rasped behind his neck, way too close for comfort as he span around pissed off wanting to tell this jerk to fuck off. How dare he. This fucking fat asshole needed to learn some manners!

"Fuck off, fet mage. "Fat belly." Why don't you leave people like me alone and go on a diet. You are a fat pig."

Paying for his booze and ignoring the fat bastard behind him, Fredrik was about to walk out the door when he felt his hair being pulled from the back. What the hell? Fuck! He tried to get free but couldn't since the fat bastard had him by his long blond hair.

"Fucking brat! No one talks to me like that especially not some fucking immigrant bitch like you. Foreign bastard punk. Why don't you cry to mummy?"

Fredrik aimed a punch at the guy's face but it was hard when your hair was being yanked back. Ouch! Fuck this! The Swede was beginning to panic a little as he'd never been abused in public like this by some fat fuck of an ignorant American.

"Let me go! How about I get the cops on your big fat ass? Fuck you---"

The Swede swore in his own language and then could see the outline of a pair of long legs entering the booze store. Mikkel. Fredrik aimed a vicious kick behind but could only hear the fat man laughing as he tugged harder, enjoying hurting the Swede.

Comments

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel couldn't even say anything before he fell against Fredrik while giggling wildly. It was so intense that he dropped the phone and had to flounder to pick it up again.

"We have to ask you something." The Dane was laughing so hard that he was snorting and his cheeks ached. The two had been drinking for way to long, and Mikkel, at least, was starting to get silly from not sleeping too.

[itmeanstruth]

The massive amount of giggling, regardless of how loud or obnoxious it was, barely roused the sleeping orderly. It had been a very long night.

“…mmm, kay? what?” He mumbled, in English this time thankfully.

[rebellisk_tarta]

Fredrik just bit his lower lip before laughing out loud at Minoru's sleepy response. This was just too good! They were going to have to ask him and now sounded about right. They were both very drunk by this point but still wanting to know the answer.

"We---is this Minoru? We want to ask something. Do cocks get bigger the older you get and are twins cocks the same size? Yours and Isamu's and do you know if Ziggy and Jack's are the same because they are twins too."

There. He said it. Fredrik now nearly dropping the phone on the floor because he was giggling so much holding onto Mikkel for support.

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel snorted so loudly while trying not to giggle that it made him laugh harder.

"Mostly, twins." Mikkel was trying not to giggle. "Ivar and Erik told us boys always measure thier cocks."

Mikkel hadn't but maybe the twins had.

[itmeanstruth]

The mumbling on the other end of the line was incoherent, but Fredrik and Mikkel could at least make out the rustling noises that followed. And that of a door being opened.

“is’fr you…” Minoru’s voice was softer, his PINpoint wasn’t near his face anymore, but it was still a very sleepy mix of English and Japanese. “Science… doushiteka…”

They could hear a bit of an exclamation as it was unceremoniously dropped. Questions were asked, but Minoru didn’t answer. He just stumbled back to his room and shut the door.

Isamu, meanwhile, picked up the discarded PINpoint and replied, “Hello? …to whom am I speaking, and can I assist you with something?”

[rebellisk_tarta]

Fredrik realised that Minoru was still half asleep and now the phone was being passed on to his brainy brother. At last! Maybe they could get some answers finally. Laughing into his hand, Fredrik then spoke down the phone;

"Isamu? This is Mikkel and Fredrik we---"

Cue more snorted giggles before he could actually hold a proper intelligent conversation. They were both drunk and the subject matter was---personal to some degree.

"--we want to ask you questions. Do twins have the same cock sizes as in you and Minoru and do Jack and Ziggy have the same size ones? Ronno says Ziggy is big so we guess Jack is."

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel was going to say something but just snorted out the loudest, drunken giggles.

"We asked Mick but he doesn't know." That was all he could get out before laying against Fredrik and laughing until it hurt.

[itmeanscourage]

It didn’t take long for Isamu to understand why Minoru dropped the PINpint unceremoniously in his lap. The combination of incoherent giggling and highly personal questions would be difficult enough to handle when you’re actually awake.

“Firstly, I have never seen Ziggy’s private parts. And if Minoru has, I am reasonably certain he did not care. However… your sample groups are not exactly a fair comparison.”

Because, technically, Ziggy and Jack weren’t twins. They were the same person from two different worlds and times. But since Isamu was not about to reveal that little nuance, he would just have to operate under the premise that they were identical twins. Fortunately, that didn’t make his reasoning any less accurate.

“Minoru and I are dizygotic twins. Fraternal twins. The result of two separate eggs and two different sperm that happened to be carried during the same pregnancy. Our genetics are no more similar than any other set of siblings. Penis size included.” He continued. “And even monozygotic, or identical, twins can develop genetic differences after the zygote splits due to mutations. Plus, there are always age-dependent epigenetic differences to take into account as well. A set of fifty-year old twins will have approximately four times as many differentially expressed genes as a set of three-year old twins.”

He paused for a moment, to make sure they were still listening.

[rebellisk_tarta]

What?? Fredrik just frowned when he heard Isamu explain about whatever it was he was talking about. Was that even English? The Swede sometimes had a hard time understanding certain English words but all this? It was way over his head. Would Ivar understand more? He was the man who had actually slept with Isamu, hadn't he?

"What are di--zago something twins? I don't understand what you are saying!"

Fredrik just collapsed into more drunken giggles as he fell into Mikkel, kissing the Dane's cheek and blushing red from all the booze he'd drunk. It didn't explain about the cocks though!

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel was struggling to listen and follow along. However, his mind did clamp onto one thing that he and Fredrik had been talking about earlier.

"WAIT!!" Mikkel pushed Fredrik away a little to get ahold of the phone. "Do you mean Fredrik was right and age changes the size of your penis?" The Dane is in shock and almost yelling into the phone at this point. For the moment, questions about what all that twin stuff meant was forgotten for a much more pressing and relevant topic.

[itmeanscourage]

“If you mean that question seriously, you and an appropriate parental figure are overdue for a very important talk.” Isamu scoffed at Mikkel’s obviously drunken question. “Though, Fredrik, you are essentially correct. Just as the onset of testosterone in puberty can spur the growth of the penis, the waning of testosterone levels in older men can decrease the penis by a small, but still measurable amount.”

He paused to let the shock fade a little.

“Which is all the more evidence that as we age, factors other than genetics can affect gene expression. Chemicals in the environment can act as endocrine disruptors. Nutrition impacts hormones. And if you truly want to get picky about it, even cold temperatures can cause the penis to shrink temporarily due to the constricting of blood vessels. So, there are far more reasons for penis size to differ, even among genetically identical twins, than there are reasons it should be the same.”

[rebellisk_tarta]

"I am correct? Really? Older men get smaller cocks?"

Fredrik just burst out laughing, holding onto Mikkel for support as he tried to keep his mouth close to the phone. Did that mean that all the older men on the tour had smaller cocks than the youngest members? Measuring would be the only way to tell...

"Freezing temperatures do make your cock shrink because---"

The Swede giggling so hard he couldn't speak for a moment.

"--because I used to go ice swimming and mine shrank so small once!"

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel was way too drunk for Isamu's comment about parents and instantly started to cry; loud and burying himself in Fredrik's chest. Fredrik would have an easy time talking at least because the Dane is shoving the phone toward him. He doesn't want to talk to Isamu any more.

[itmeanscourage]

Not that Isamu has much of an idea of what is going on. The boys on the other side of the line are quite drunk, and barely making coherent sense as it is.

“Penis size varies between individuals. Penis size also changes over the course of a single individual’s lifespan. Therefore, it is very likely that even Jack and Ziggy do not possess absolutely identical penises.” He tried to summarize between, what, was one of them crying now? “Does that answer your initial question?”

[rebellisk_tarta]

Fredrik's face fell when Mikkel started to cry loudly. Oh no---what? The Swede picked up the phone now shoved towards him not knowing what to say. It wasn't funny anymore--not now that Mikkel was upset.

"Maybe I--I don't know, Brain boy. But I have to go now. Mikkel needs me---bye."

The Swede was too focused on helping his drunk emotional friend and had forgot to end the call because he was totally drunk. The phone now slipping down onto the floor with a soft thump still connected to Isamu.

"Mikkel? Hej, I am here for you, Min vän. Do not cry."

Had Isamu upset him? Fredrik now holding onto the Dane massaging his back.

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel curled up and started feeling tired then pushed the phone back toward Fredrik when he saw it was still on.

"You talk to Isamu." Mikkel was sniffling as the tears passed and just wanted to lay here against Fredrik but that didn't mean he had to stop talking or asking questions.

[itmeanscourage]

Of course, with the phone now on the floor or being passed between hands, the drunken mess was now a muffled drunken mess.

“…hello? Are you still there?”

[rebellisk_tarta]

Fredrik just sighed and didn't really know what to do because he too was trashed just as much as Mikkel was, yet he wasn't crying. He grabbed the phone and realised it was still connected. Oh fuck---how long had Isamu been on the other end.

"Yeah? I'm here---Isamu? Mikkel is feeling a bit upset so I'm looking after him."

The Swede was gently stroking Mikkel's hair as he spoke on the phone.

[oprorsk_sode]

Mikkel was quickly curling up in Fredrik's lap and on the verge of passing out.

"I'm fine." He grouched at first and then mumbled a bit in Danish while rubbing his eyes.

"Tell him I hate my parents." Of course, Isamu could probably hear the Dane but he's not thinking about that right now. More, enjoying the hair stroking and trying to focus on that.

[itmeanscourage]

This was getting awkward. But they were clearly intoxicated, so that was probably just par for the course.

“Ah, well… I suppose all of the relevant quandaries have been addressed. I will let you get back to… whatever it is you are doing.”

At least if they called back, Minoru’s PINpoint was out here in the living room. He wouldn’t be woken up again.